If you’re only offended by physical standards that apply to you and people exactly like you (other overweight women, for example), then you’re not advocating “body positivity.” You’re advocating “*you* positivity.” That’s fine. Everyone looks out for #1 to some extent, but don’t pretend you have the moral high ground and a noble cause.
Another answer pointed out that some people have a history of eating disorders and so “can’t diet” without being triggered. I’m not sure what “can’t diet” even means. You can’t turn down a single piece of food that’s available to you or choose chicken over cake without being triggered? Regardless, that doesn’t really change anything in practical terms. I hate it for you and wish you the best of luck in your recovery, but it just sort of drives home the point that being overweight is indicative of certain mental states and behaviors.
I experience a certain amount of social phobia. I’ve always been shy and introverted, and an unpleasant childhood exacerbated these inborn traits. If a woman’s idea of a good time is going to a house party and meeting 50 new people, I’m probably not the guy for her. More broadly, many people consider shyness unmanly. C’est la vie, I guess. I personally find it a little problematic, but I can’t argue with the world. Again, if that’s an opinion you share, or you have any similar standard regarding what is or isn’t masculine, congratulations: you have *totally unfair* gender-based standards of attractiveness, just like everyone else.
What makes you different?
Everyone has something they’re not attracted to, maybe even repulsed by. If you think it’s shallow or misogynistic for a man to have weight standards, but you wouldn’t date a man who was 5′ tall, balding, with a hairy back, a unibrow, a two-inch penis, and a 30k salary, you’re a giant hypocrite. In fact, you’re worse, because the man’s height has nothing to do with his mental state or habits. No amount of exercise is going to make hair stop growing out of his back.
I aim to hit the gym four times a week and get 10k steps per day. I discovered at a pretty early age that this is the only thing that significantly or consistently alleviates my tendency toward depression and anxiety, which is the case for a large percentage of people who exercise regularly. I want a woman who can join me and encourage me. I like to go walking through the city and on trails. I like to travel, which requires walking through airports, fitting into airplane seats, and again, walking around and seeing the sights. These things are essential to my lifestyle and personality. If you’re winded and your feet hurt after five blocks, I doubt you’re going to enjoy the three-hour extended tour of the salt mine in Hallstatt, Austria or learning kung fu at the Shaolin Temple for a few days.
The phrasing is so telling. If this question were about a woman leaving her husband because she was no longer attracted to him after he started sitting around drinking and gained 100lbs, most of the reactions from women would be something along the lines of “Yaas queen!”
Hi everybody! I have been looking at posts on narcs and narc abuse on here and if has really helped me out a lot. I am currently struggling with my situation and need some advice/support.
I met a narc last year, everything seemed to good to be true. Love bombing, always texting calling and taking me on dates. Everything changed when someone warned me about him out in public in front of him and who he is. This caused a conflict with us and the love bombing seized.
he would tell me that everything is okay and i can come and talk. He would set a time limit on me and kick me out after that.
he would then text me like everything was fine and we hung out again and after that he completely ghosted me for one week. He came back and texted me a week later laughing about the ghosting and acting like nothing had happened.
he continued to text me ( not like in the beginning) make plans with me, then on the day of the plans he would just ghost me. One day he would act interested the next silence.
i contacted him a month later and he acted like nothing happened. He was on a vacation and sent me a picture of another woman ( someone he allegedly met on the trip) to strike a reaction but i never gave him one. After the trip he came to my place and was extremely rude, accusing me of going on dates with a bunch of men. The next day he accused me of being an alcoholic and that he wanted nothing to do with me but said well maybe we can be "friends" then ghosted me
i assumed at this point it was over and i would never hear from him again. He contacted me on the holiday a month later acting like everything was great. We ended up hanging out a month or so later and when we hung out it went well, i thought things were going in the right direction.
after we hung out.. silence. I would try to text him and if he replied it would be very short then he just stopped replying. He ghosted me for almost three months. I thought he was done this time and of course he popped up again like nothing happened. At this point i was getting sick of if so i questioned him as to why he dissapeared and always does this. Of course he had some sob story about a injury and family member dying of cancer. I felt pity for him and he gave me an apology.. so i took him back stupidly.
things seemed to be going smooth for a couple months, of course until his family member died and his injury got better he never contacted me and was distant. Menawhile, i was there for him during the difficult time for him. He lied to me about the funeral and never wanted to chat. I was chasing him and he would always claim nothing was wrong but when i said i thought he used me when he was down he could not handle it and would always tell me he didnt care and to go away. I would get so upset i would try texting him to work it out he would barelt respond and if he did he would not be nice about it.
we did hang out a couple times after that, he would ignore me after. One day i was like hey i think you are seeing someone else, and i was like well ixam seeing someone so no problem if you are he said " buy bye good luck with your new guy stop contacting me" i was devastated and tried to get into contact with him for weeks then i just gave up and accepted it was over. He ended up contacting me a month later acting like everything was fine. He wanted to go out and have drinks i told him i would. He and i both seemed to have a great time. He ends up ignoring me again. I kept texting him trying to figure out what was wrong. He kept saying everything was fine and i said ok can we hang out again? He said maybe i was like why? He just kept saying maybe …
our last conversation we had… i said what is wrong ? He said nothing is wrong everything is fine. I asked him why he keeps saying maybe. He said " maybe but i dont want to see you right now" i said why? He saix " im just not feeling it, if i wanted to date i would" i said why did you contact me less then a week ago wanting to go out? He said i didnt.. even though he did. So i said should i just move on or what? He said whatever you want to do. So i said that he was really confusing me and asked him if he had anything more to say before i move on? My messages were turning green so i panicked he blocked me and reacted irrationally. I said " omg did you block me? My messages are not going through. Even texted him on my work phone asking what was up. And called him twice ( please dont judge me i know it is pathetic i never was this type of girl before him) so he replied and said " Ok I'll block you now" then immedietly blocked me. He has never blocked me before since I have met him he will just ghost. Is this ths final discard aka " grand finale? Did i just push him too far?
this has upset me so much its hard to even function.
Just to head off some potential misunderstandings or criticisms: this is not advocating needlessly cruel shaming. I’m not going to call anyone a “fatass,” just like I wouldn’t appreciate being called a “pussy” for being shy and sensitive. I don’t hate fat people; I hate hypocrisy. I don’t hate women or (all) feminists; I hate hypocrisy.
